BOOBS

This is the second post. What else was I supposed to think about when #2 comes up?
...
Um ahem! without further ado, let us BEHOLD:

Harmless obsession or downright madness? 

You be the judge.

On second thought, how about I be the judge! (Pun alert:) Wouldn't it be great if when a guy/gal was staring at your tatas while you're talking, you could just yell: "ORDER IN THE COURT!" and then s/he'd instantly respect you all of a sudden? Pshaw, as IF we had authority of our own breasts, sheesh, like we had control over our bodies or something. I would sentence all culprits to 2 tickets to next year's Lilith Fair. Non-negotiable. (Take me with you?)

"God damn it, that Sara is getting all feminazi on me again." I can just hear it. But let me tell you something. I don't know what it is, but the power of boobs has me, too. That right, you heard me! Now I can hear you again just about as loud, "Hmm, that Sara just got interesting." How ironic; I get interesting as soon as I'm on your side discussing the magnetism of the bosom. But, hey. As long my eyes are up here while we're talking about them, then that's alright with me.

♫ Let's get it on. Aaaaaaaahhh! ♪

Most of these ladies reading this have probably had experiences diddling the same sex in college, in one way or another. Most of these dudes reading this also probably have as well (uh oh, wait! I mean...well, that could be too, couldn't it?). In any case, it's pretty commonly accepted that the female sexuality is more, AHEM, fluid than dudes' on average. While it is perfectly interesting to investigate why this is, to be honest, I couldn't give a tit less.

But let's say....let's just say it isn't because men's stimulus bullshit is more visual and thus directly correlated with blah de blah and the women's arousal state is enticed by emotional fuck this stereotypical nonsense, but instead, it is all because we love food.

What the fuck does food have to do with sex?

EVERYTHING!

Which brings me back to boobs.

From whence came our first nutrients in the cold, cruel world? What provided our first warmth and comfort and FOOD, FOOD, GIVE ME MORE FOOOOOOOOOD. It just so happens that boobs are not only nourishing, but they are also a secondary sexual characteristic that bloom (gag me, word choice) when women can get all pregnant. The procreation and FOOD aspects to these are irrevocably, eternally intertwined and there's nothing that fat doesn't make more delicious. amiright?

Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex.

You know, it's funny, Codename:Hools and I started a coup against food/sex metaphors a few years ago. We no longer stood for restaurant commercials that featured the sensuous slathering of juicy BBQ sauce over a rack of ribs. (There's definitely some biblical-inspired insult there, but I digress). Also any commericial with honey in it, we cast violently from our sight. It was a small, yet mighty coup, but now I wonder if we were... wrong. Food and sex have been intertwined since the dawn of time. So to speak, of course!. I swear I don't believe that people have existed since the dawn of time really, it's just a figure of speech! Jesus, you guys are gonna think I'm some religious nut now...

Anywho, I suppose the moral of the story is that boobs are awesome and so is food.

That doesn't mean my eyes aren't still up here, though, guys.

*picture sources
http://www.demotivationalposterz.com/2010/05/boobs-because-you-cant-motorboat.html
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tofu_mugwump/3740517295/
http://thedomandjaneshow.itmblog.com/category/jeremys-recipes/jeremys-crocktober/page/4/
http://www.cartoonistgroup.com/store/add.php?iid=50888