Jinxes (also, a couple hot bods and jesus)

Last week, I started this blog thinking, "IMMA FINALLY DO THIS BLOG THING EVERY GOD DAMN DAY." And what happens? Of course my computer gets a virus after the second one. At least I got to say I wrote blogS. Luckily, I.T. was able to fix my Dell friend relatively promptly.

So, in the spirit of that buncha bullshit, all I can think to write about are jinxes.

You know you believe in jinxes. This is especially relevant today because the weather calls for scattered thunderstorms. Only if you don't bring your umbrella to lunch, you're going to be *THE ONE* solely responsible for an imminent downpour. You also didn't wear a coat with a hood and are wearing white, you idiot. (I am only berating you because I didn't wear a coat with a hood and am wearing white and it makes me feel better...heh, I digress. o.O)

You're, uh, welcome?

Though, as demonstrated to your right, jinxes can be blessings in disguise. Isn't it beautiful? Like if someone else totally hot did this and jinxed the weather. But, see, if we can go for an advanced lesson in jinx instruction for a minute, I have to tell ya, unfortunately that beautiful disaster right there could never happen. Here, you must consider the case of an opposite jinx:
if you saw this beautiful specimen on the street wearing a white shirt and it looked like it was about to rain, you just can forget it. FANTASY OVER.
P.S. The universe revolves around you at all times so you'll never get to see that happen -->
P.P.S. please do yourself a favor and think of David Boreanaz as caught in the rain here, and not sweating so profusely as to saturate his cotton shirt with putrid human saline solution or lubricant. Unless you're into that kind of thing... Hey, no judgment here. Fantasize away.

In all seriousness, though, those omg-of-COURSE-that-would-happen-to-me moments are made of majik. Wikipedia, everyone's favorite source of ultim8 trooth, tells us that jinxes occur for several reasons. Among them:

• A type of curse placed on a person that makes them prey to many minor misfortunes and other forms of bad luck;
• A person afflicted with a similar curse, who, while not directly subject to a series of misfortunes, seems to attract them to anyone in his vicinity.
• An object/person that brings bad luck.
• A common slang term used when two people say the same thing at the same time, said as a game among children.

But to me, the strongest of those is when you "(talk) about a future event with too much confidence." You will also cause a jinx, as with the example of today with the forecast of thunderstorms, if you choose to do something in direct, haughty, conceited and otherwise egotistical opposition to the worst case scenario. Observe.
Scenario: Gloomy day, forecast of rain.  
Opposition Action: Consciously not bringing umbrella outside.
Jinx: FUCKING TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR FOR EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY YOU, JERK.
The example the Wikipedia article used is the muthafuckin Titanic, which was said to be unsinkable.

With those breasts, Jack should have used her life vest.

Yeeeaaahhh, way to go, assholes. Arrogance tempts "the-almighty-whomever-controls-your-circumstances-and-favorite-stuff." So you better not make "it" feel like being mad at your or even give it the opportunity to act mischievously and fuck your shit up. Everyone knows that.

Come to think about it, that could be why I hate arrogance so much. C'mon, You think you're so much better than everyone else you can just be horrible, completely disregard caution, live your life intrepidly without abandon and not get jinxed?! Ooooh, buddy, (I'm not really boring or anything and) you'll get yours!!!

Ok, so this is a bit of a non-sequitor, but I wonder if the belief in jinxes is a sort of folk lore left-over from when religiosity and common knowledge were so entangled that no one could tell them apart. Oh, shit, maybe I am religious - indirectly, of course, but still, ack!. I mean, the phrases: "Goddamn!" "Jesus, what the...?" and "Holy Fuck!" pop out of my mouth regularly, after all.

No, no nooooo, NO NO NYOOO!
This can not be! I do not like religion and find it's influence grotesquely inversely proportional to it's logic and it makes people act stupidly and irrationally!

I don't find that ironic at all, no no. But just in case, I should use my trusty jinx remover if you just in fact witnessed me jinxing myself into a spiritual rebirth.

Atheist 4 life!